@TheOnion Profile picture The Onion

@TheOnion

 4 days ago
Fired Private Equity Partner Steals Office Supply Company On Way Out

Fired Private Equity Partner Steals Office Supply Company On Way Out

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@TheOnion Fired Private Equity Partner Impales Fleeing Guest With Chainsaw From Ten Flights Up And Laughs Maniacally

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@AU_panda Profile picture beach bum

@AU_panda

 4 days ago
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@TheOnion breaking-- fired equity partner and office supply owner counterfeits money to pretend to be able to buy his own stock back in a new episode of "jello shots"

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@MyNameIsMatt12 Profile picture Matt

@MyNameIsMatt12

 4 days ago

@TheOnion That is the best byline I’ve seen of yours in the last six months

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@TheOnion Lol. Got to love the Onion. 😂

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@marvinprd Profile picture MP

@marvinprd

 4 days ago

@TheOnion Free pens!

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@TheOnion Big if true

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@AnthonyReeee Profile picture Anthony

@AnthonyReeee

 4 days ago

@TheOnion that guy looks like Ryan Reynolds

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@PatMcAfeeShow #PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT do you think that Kansas City is gonna stop rolling because Patrick is out?

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#PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT Drew Brees doesn't end up retiring, and comes back to win NFL and Superbowl MVP next season to ride off into the sunset on top

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#PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT Big Ben over? It looks like he doesn’t have “It” anymore

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@PatMcAfeeShow #PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT Aaron Rodgers’ new middle name is “Zito” cuz he just took the fuckin roof off of Lambeau 🤣🐐

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#PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT...First Donald Trump was Running For Office. But this time He is Running for His Life. So Excuse Me if I Say this, But #RunDonaldRun!!

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#PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT I get bent out of shape incensed when I see people overreacting. 😁

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#PatIDontWantToOverreactBUT a backup from Michigan goes in to replace the starter, are we looking at Henne becoming Brady 2.0?

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